Have you ever read something you wrote years ago and been shocked at how young you were, and how much growing you have done? That's something that's happened to me lately.
I've been working hard on my blog these past few days, hints all of the construction and sawdust (sorry, try not to breath any asbestos!), and I began to comb through some of my old blog posts. Many of them were fond memories of my 'younger' days, but with some of them I was really shocked at how...well....immature I was. It's a real shocker, and a boost (depending on how you look at it) to see how far you've come, and to know that there are certain faults you aren't battling as much. Not to say that I'm not still immature --I know that I'm still very young at heart, which is good to a certain extent, I grew up slowly and I'm happy because of it--but what I'm trying to say is, there are certain needless battles that I was fighting with myself that have since resolved themselves.
I look back at myself then and think, "I was so immature! Great...now I'm embarrassed I ever sounded like that!" But I comfort myself with the knowledge that I've grown a lot since then. I've learned a lot since then, won a lot of battles and experienced a lot of joys.
This has hit me especially hard lately as I am preparing to go back to college. I began thinking about how young I am and how I still have so much to learn and, needless to say, I began to worry. I thought about how I'm still just a baby and I began praying to God about the issue, saying that I felt unprepared. During this time I decided to redo my blog, and that's when I saw the old posts.
I read almost all of them, and was shocked at how much I have changed. The way I post, speak to others, and see myself has--I think--matured. It was a real shocker and boost. Funny how God throws these little things into our lives.
Now, I'm in no way completely mature! I still act goofy and have a lot to learn about the world and my faith. I'm not trying to sound all, "OOOOHHH look how mature I am now! HAHAHA!". I'm still a kid, having fun and living at my own speed while I can and enjoying the world God has given me! But this was a message that I'd like to share.
We all mature at our own rates, that's something that is near and dear to my heart. So many people seem to want to grow up too fast, rushing through their early life so they can 'fit in', and with those of us who decide to take our own chosen paths...things can be rough. My parents were always very supportive of me in this area, they encouraged me to be more mature--but not in the way the world wants, but in the way God wants. I took my steps as God placed them before me and enjoyed it.
But we all feel immature at sometimes, and we all act immature at times. We all have that friend we get completely crazy with, or that one day when we just want to be silly. That's just us! However, there are those doubts that leak into our minds that tell us that we aren't moving fast enough, or we're not doing things right. We're behind, unprepared, stupid, or silly. We're immature.
Now, there are times when we feel we have acted immaturely, and know we should have been more responsible or respectful. In those situations, however, we have a pressing on our hearts to do better and we calmly and quietly move forward up the new step God has given us. The doubts I'm talking about are the ones that keep you up at night, worrying if you're 'good enough' to face the world; old enough inside to face what is thrown at you. Will you fit in? Will you be able to handle yourself without being branded as the 'weirdo'?
Those doubts aren't steps, they're fears. Fears set within your heart to keep you from moving forward. I could never say that trusting that God moves you forward in his own timing is easy, but is comforting to realize that he does.
God moves us when he wants to move us, and where he wants to move us! Sometimes, in trying to grow up fast we don't really grow up at all. Growing up takes time and we have to learn each lesson that God places before us. Some are painful and some are not, but hard or not we have to learn them.
But it is comforting to know that you have, indeed, matured. You're not the same person you were five years ago, you've grown! You've learned so much! To me, that's something to celebrate! Knowing that you've moved forward in your journey is exciting! Exhilarating!
Sometimes I think we get so caught up in trying to conquer our current step that we forget to look back and smile at all of the challenges we've already over come! God intended us to live our lives happily, honoring him and resting in his peace; part of that is celebrating in the path he has placed us on and the great works he has accomplished in our lives!
This is a message I just wanted the share today because I believe it is a powerful one.
We don't have to grow up in a day, nor do we have to conform to the world's idea of 'normal'. We answer to a different authority; one who loves us very much and who knows what is best for us. God matures us as needed, and while we still need to work with him and the pressings that he places on our hearts, we can rest easy knowing we are in good hands.
I don't usually share spiritual things, as I believe I am still growing in my Christian walk, but I just wanted to share this little thought with you. :)
Your happy blogger,